masking tape at the bottom of your shoe

14 July 2006
1:15am


There are times when I just feel like shutting myself off from the rest of the world - being in hermit-mode, as I call it. The past few days would be a good example of that. Why? Because having some 'alone time' can be quite good for the soul. It helps put things into perspective. :)

Although I've been keeping by myself these past few days, I made an effort to go out earlier tonight and attend the fundraiser for Benjo Marquez at Capone's. It was.. STRANGE, to say the least. Because tonight, two of my worlds came together. I had almost thought the crossover was impossible. But it happened.

You see, Benjo and I go to the same church.. His sister and I sing together sometimes as part of music ministry. His sister used to teach my ex-boyfriend's sister. My ex-boyfriend's sister sometimes attends service in the same church as I do. She also helped organize tonight's fundraiser. And my ex-boyfriend's band was one of the acts lined up for the evening.

Sigh.

Sometimes, no matter how hard I try to get away from my past it just really creeps up on me. My ex-boyfriend seems, as I explained to Chinie, like a stubborn piece of masking tape that gets stuck on your shoe. You walk and walk and walk and hope it ceases to stick (or at the very least cling onto something else) but no matter how much you keep scuffing up that piece of tape, it follows you everywhere. Hahaha. Not that it's such a bother. ;) We're good friends, my ex and I, but it's just so BIZARRE how we keep ending up in the same places. 

For a couple of hours, in the most unlikely of places, my past and present had collided. I couldn't help saying "This is so weird. This is surreal. This is so strange." over and over. I never imagined something like this to happen in a million years, save for when I get married. Past and present: Chinie, Lana, Darlene, Camille, Dianne, Randy, Rina, Mikey, Mitch, Justin, Junie, Girish, Quark, Lia, Chris, Diego, Raimund and Myrene.

The night was fun, if not a little surreal. I am so touched that sina Myrene still remember me.. They were so nice and gracious. On a side note: I FINALLY met my 'crushest' for the longest time. It was SO WEIRD. When I was still dating my ex, I always wanted to meet him - it just NEVER happened. If I didn't miss meeting him by a few minutes, he'd be there but I wouldn't get the chance. Funny how YEARS later, I would not only get to meet him.. I would almost babble like a fool doing so.

I very rarely get starstruck. No, I wasn't starstruck upon meeting him. It was really so funny, because just a couple of minutes before, I was telling Chris that I always had a crush on that guy but never got to meet him. Of course, since we were sharing the same table, when I introduced Lana I couldn't very well ignore him. So it went something like.. "Lana, this is Myrene, Raimund and.. Vinci." (Smiled at him because we were never formally introduced and yet I knew who he was.) "Eee.. See? I'm a big fan." (Hasty exit.)

Hahahaha.

It's funny how just half an hour before, Camille and I were outside catching up on 'babaw kwento,' about crushes and standards. :) Camille totally hit the right spot when she said.. It's great how, because we are happily single, we can meet past crushes and not be so affected. So true. Tonight, as I smiled while waving goodbye to 'crushest,' I didn't feel at all kilig. I was so nonchalant my reaction was unexpected.

This indifference towards crushes past (because ANOTHER big crush was there!) is fueled by two things:

I'm so in-love with God.
I've already met my 'standard.'

I tell you, neither crushest or cutie-pie crush measures much against my standard. And I'm so in-love with God I barely thought about them. That's how it is when you're in love, right? You don't see anyone else but the object of your affection. ;)

Speaking of my 'standard,' Camille asked who it was.. I told her it's a secret (as I've resolved to keep this one between me and God, so you know this is serious) but that he was still single and that I'd see him around and I admired him a lot. His singleness matters little to me, as I don't think he even realizes I'm alive (or maybe he does but it doesn't matter). Like I said, admiration doesn't always translate into a crush. I will be so happy if I manage to captivate the heart of a man who is like him. Because he's so.. SOLID. :)

How wonderful it is to fall in love with my Creator, the one who 'placed the stars in the sky and knows them by name,' the one who 'knew me even before I was born.' And how wonderful it is to know that He has amazing plans for me. Plans to give me hope and a future. Hope and a future, I know I already have. :) My preparation lies in the waiting.